The Keyboard Warrior’s Guide to Dieting

Congrats on the desk job…you’re screwed!

Desk Belly
“The Office Bulge”

If you have the metabolism of a racehorse or you’re constantly active (CONGRATS) you can save this post for later.  For the remaining keyboard warriors and cube farm commandos, here is the lesson I learned on trying to diet as an aging, less active,husband, father of two, powerlifting golfer.  I think that’s everything!

I changed jobs a few years back and besides congratulations, you’re going to get big was the most common farewell.  The scary thing was they were right.  I left a job where I was on my feet and active for 10 hours a day to a job where I’m in a chair for 9 hours.  Don’t get me wrong, there are some cardio aspects to banging away on a 10’s key all day, but they are minimal!  What I found was that I was going to struggle maintaining weight while ensuring I got my required macros.  The funny thing is I remember a time when I would try to “Bulk”.  That is no longer a problem.  If I want to put on weight now, it would be unstoppable.  What I aspire for now is maintenance.  So here is what I found to be the positives of settling into a more sedimentary work environment:

  • Conserving energy for workouts is never an issue
  • It is possible to determine how many calories you burn everyday
  •  You can control when you eat and the quantity
  • The quantity of food can be constant because you are not burning any additional calories

​After a year of large fluctuations in my weight, I finally settled into a diet groove.  The biggest breakthrough I made was determining an appropriate amount of calories.  There are lots of caloric calculators available, but they can only get you so far.  It took about 3 weeks, but I was able to track my weight and diet and finally determine my break-even caloric number.  My number was 2700 calories per day.  It actually surprised me that it was so low.  At 6’3 and 218lbs. I figured it would be higher.  I always read about these 4000-5000 calorie diets to build muscle.  I found the rub to be the fact that I sit at a desk all day.  Even though I feel I train pretty hard, it does not make up for sitting 9 hours a day.  So here is what I did about it:

  • Avoid the typical office temptations (donuts, sodas, the flavored creamers)​
  • Consume an insane amount of coffee to suppress hunger and maintain energy levels
  • Attempt to stay on a regular eating schedule
  • Try to move around as much as possible, although it won’t be much
coffee and donuts
Keyboard Warrior’s Breakfast

Once I determined my calories, I was then able to figure out my macros.  There are all sorts of calculators available to determine your macro levels.  I try to eat my body weight in protein everyday and then work backwards to determine carbohydrate and fat grams for the day.  It has resulted in the following:

  • Calories – 2700
  • Protein – 218
  • Carbs – 300
  • Fat – 64

Dieting is much harder then weight training.  I have very little discipline when it comes to food.  If I indulge, I will then go on a all out food bender. So I keep my diet very simple and monotonous.  I found that if I essentially eat the same thing everyday I have less chance of going off the rails.  The reasoning for this is that at 2700 calories per day there is not much room for error.  I’m one large pizza away from a caloric surplus that would be tough to burn off.  During the golf season, I can increase the calorie level a little due to increased activity, but not a substantial amount.

So to all my fellow keyboard warriors who battle in the trenches everyday. Let us keep up the fight.  Raise our coffee mugs in air and declare we will not be beaten by the office bulge.

Office Deadlift
No Excuses – Find a WAY!

For more information on Dieting in the workplace please checkout my Video below!


Author: Sean Kayea

I've been playing golf for almost 30 years and have been weight training for nearly 20. I'm not a professional golfer nor am I a personal trainer, but what I am is the "Powerlifting Golfer". I've been bombing it past my playing partners for close to twenty years. Which is right about the time I started to visit the weight room just about as much as the driving range. As I've gotten older I've continued to get stronger, which has allowed me to keep adding yards to my drives.